When it comes to family trauma, who tells the story? | Books

In His 1861 account of events in the life of slavery, Harriet Jacobs unabashedly and truthfully exposed her husband’s sexual abuse. Yet for more than 100 years, it accepted the scientific opinion that events It was a novel written by the white eloquent Lydia Maria Child. It wasn’t until the 1980s that critic Jane Fagan Yellen proved Jacobs to be a real writer. Events Everyone was writing autobiographies.

In Hollywood, stories of rape are largely recorded by men and are seen as a goal, because the stress (and tragedy) of the experience creates empathy, sympathy. It regulates emotions. When we see a woman being abused and abused in a movie, we confuse ourselves to see her, because we want to understand the ugliness of human cruelty, or so we say. And when women write about rape, often in the literature, it is seen as intoxicating, overly emotional, overly impossible. “Basically, rape is considered a women’s issue, although it’s really difficult.” Statements on women’s rights, literature and rape, “And that’s probably why it’s considered literary taboo, especially when it comes to women.”

I started writing my new novel, Like Bird, when I was 12 years old. I’m 30 now, and it was published 18 years later. For more than half my life, I have been writing a story that came to me in a dream: a young ethnic Bengali girl who was gang-raped and thrown out of the house. From there, she begins a new life, where she sets her own parameters, ethics and principles.

I felt this dream visually, as if it were my own memory. I remember when I woke up suddenly with a purpose. Maybe that’s why I’ve been able to share my enthusiasm for years. I knew something like this had never been told before: a vision of redemption, which seeks to understand the layers of abuse, and how it affects a person. I wanted to ask, do you think you are slowly suffocating – from your family, from your lack of self-worth, from depression? Then, what does it feel like to realize one day that you want to live? That you want to be happy

Women often keep secrets, a matter of family shame. Culturally, that’s what the women in my family did. They hid things, lied about the blurred truth, men and their misbehavior. The women in my family bear the brunt of not talking about their whole, complex stories. In many ways, I saw this book as a service to myself and possibly to my family – although it was nothing short of encouraging. When I told my father about Like Bird, there was a restless silence between us. Years later, she told me to be careful when writing about my mother, if I ever did. Then, I realized that he was more concerned with social expectations, but he was fine. When you write about family secrets, there is always a moral error, because sometimes you don’t know the whole truth.

I grew up with an understanding of my family history. I didn’t know many Bangladeshis because my parents were weird: my father was a Marxist lecturer and my mother was an artist and day care worker. I knew my family was a Marxist Socialist fourth generation, but it was. It wasn’t until my 20’s that I realized that my parents had survived a war, and a brutality at the time. Then at the age of 23, I learned by e-mail from my father – my mother was 16 years old when she experienced extreme sexual trauma. The war was fought in 1970, just before independence, and his father, Abdul Haq East Pakistan, was later a prominent socialist member of parliament in Bangladesh. An assassination attempt was made here and when they did not kill him, they kidnapped my mother. Three days later, she returned. After that, he tried to kill himself by drinking a whole bottle of kerosene.

My father wanted my sister and I want to understand that the violent domestic life we ​​inherited could easily be labeled “hysteria” by my mother. Her e-mail made me understand that, even as a child, I had some idea of ​​what had happened to my mother, at some level, and I could tell her the story. Of, or even understood himself. Like the birds were the only way I could act on what was happening to me, and what I experienced, my mother saw through this violence. I was abusing my abuser. Learning more about my mother would make me want to learn more about trauma, and she wants to break it when you become the first person in your family.

Memory Recovery… I Can Destroy You Michael Cole.



Memory Recovery… I Can Destroy You Michael Cole. Photographer: Natalie Seri / BBC / Various Artists Ltd and Falcona

I never saw anything close to my experience of surviving unless I destroyed you in Myla Coyle’s eye.. I associated it with the way she was trying so hard to recover from memory, and included it when she pulled the boundaries of her own failed brain. Time is not letters, nor is memory. I decided that writing like Bird was a part-time job: I was jumping into the future to keep myself happy, to keep myself going. That’s why I look at all the things that are fully understood with science, such as the virtue of trauma, filling in for those who experience it: we are experts. As Alva writes: “Writing was important in terms of writing experience.” If men are seen as more credible narrators of abuse because they are less likely to experience it, then who can add to the conversation?

When Bird was published like this year, I was in Montreal. My host organized a social distance trip, where I met a young man who wanted to know what my book was. All night long I kept asking questions. But looking at him, staring at him, staring at him, I got the feeling that we would spray. It made me interesting. Men are almost always anxious when talking about rape, so I like to face them. When I told him what it was about, he was extraordinarily quiet. When I finished, he raised his voice. “Oh Boho,” he joked. “Men have been fighting to protect women and children for centuries and centuries and you are afraid that you will take to the streets and be abused?” Another guest, old and young, heard and agreed. “She is OK, she is OK,” he said. It’s as if I haven’t written a book in over 18 years and he understands what I’m saying. So i went

After that, I thought about how prejudiced it was to know that women and children are abused during the war. This is a tactic as old as war. In fact, the largest number of wartime rapes in Bangladesh took place in 1971, when an estimated 400,000 Bangladeshi women were raped by the Pakistani military – my parents survived the war. Were For victims without discrimination, rape does not happen in a vacuum: it is a pathological, social and rapid process. The lack of masculine imagination in terms of the scope of rape and its age falls on its feminine part. But it also comes down to who we consider powerless, and whom we consider violent. If we look at it as binary, it reduces the notion that rape is a transaction between men and women, regardless of whether it has anything to do with gender. ۔ It’s not about power, it’s about its abuse and ugliness. The more we see rape as an abstraction, the less we understand its trauma.

That’s why I can destroy you, especially the final episode that angered some viewers. It seemed to me that Coyle was asking: Can multiple truths be true at the same time? And if so, how do we solve it? It’s so generous for both And use your body to tell a story. Doing so is a high form of resentment. It’s about feeling, expressing, questioning – and, ultimately, healing. And doing so allows others to talk openly about what hurts them. We need to hear more stories about survivors. I’m sure more and more people will keep talking, opening doors, what they couldn’t do before. And as a society, we need to create space to ensure that.

The short story of Goddess Mahasuta in Draupadi, The film’s protagonist, Doppidi, asks after the gang rape: “What’s the use of clothes? You can strip me, but how can you wear me again?” Doing so removes the pain and compulsions that follow. After thousands of years of subjugation, it’s time for them to think about more effective, sustainable ways of healing and paying their dues to each other.

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